I’ve had my share of weird experience with girls.

I’ve had a random girl ask me my number, a girl suddenly giving me her number, girls asking me for private piano lessons, girls confessing to me, and other weird things that make me freeze on the spot and blush hot red.

I’m not handsome to many’s standards. I have a weird shape of a head. My height is only decent. My body type isn’t muscular. And I’m not at all charismatic or eloquent with words. I think I just have my weird cool character and my undeserved talents. I perform on stages. I play various musical instruments. I compose. I draw. I play and build things with technology. And I look smart (mainly because of how un-talkative I am).

And thanks to this, I seem to give off an attractive enigmatic aura to the people who’d have enough time with me.

And I enjoy knowing this.

 

To be liked by many, or to be loved by a few.

 

 

I enjoy basking under the spotlight of being liked.

Though flirting is a game that always has me at the oblivious side, but in the end I like it knowing that someone’s into me.

It strokes my inflated ego.

It gives me super-confidence.

It makes me feel that I am special.

My selfish, egocentric, insensitive self enjoys the reassurance.

But recounting all of these, I begin to ask, “What do these things matter? What good is it for people to like me when I myself am detached? What does it matter if I am liked by many, yet I cannot love someone the way I want to love someone?”

Just like every other single guy out there, I too want a significant other.

 

To be liked by many, or to be loved by a few.

 

 

This is then where I begin to ask myself,

“Why do I want to have a girlfriend?”

It’s not like that having a girlfriend will save me from the loneliness from this world.

It’s not like having a human lover will fill the vast expansive limitless space within my heart.

And it’s not like human love, sex, or marriage, is the ultimate goal of life.

 

It’s not.

 

You may respond, “But God said that it is not good for a man to be alone.”

Yet even before God created woman as our partner (and even before Our Fall), He created something first for us. A life; A purpose; Work.

 

Work to rule over the other creations of the earth.

Work to take care and to cultivate the land.

Work to love and serve one another.

Work to strive for justice and righteousness.

Work to have the Gospel told.

 

To enjoy Christ. To glorify God.

 

 

This is then where I stop to care.

 

To be liked by many, or to be loved by a few.

 

 

I have my fair share of unlikely struggles.

Having lived through 20+ life years, I have experienced some of the weird battles that my fellow INTJ brethren are apparently destined to experience:

The thirst for improvement…

The quest for perfection…

The rules of sociality…

But one of the long battles that has also been stirring inside my brain is religious faith.

Together with my INTP cousins, we, the INTJ and INTP, represent the “personalities of logic”. Our brains are simply wired for it. We are skeptics. We are thinkers. Our brains are wired for reason.

But not that I am struggling with faith that I reject faith. Quite the contrary.

Because I am a Christian, and I still am.

Because no matter the depths and the lengths of my thinking and seeking–for the roots and purpose of life and how the world came to be and how it should be–I am still grounded on the solid rock of belief where an all-powerful Creator exists:

That everything in our realm of space and time was created and is being governed….

By Something which our physical bodies are not even able to comprehend…

By Someone Who is of greater class and thinking ability than us humans…

Because science and logic doesn’t necessarily clash with “God things“. I believe they support each other. That God blessed us with the gift of science and logic for us humans to experience a glimpse of His majesty.

Because the moment we believe to think that our ways are higher
is the moment we realize that we have become highly arrogant creatures.